Sci.cry Repulses the Wolfpack

A pack of automatons is now savaging sci.cry in a premeditated flood 
of semi-relevant squamasious slotica, redolent from vestiges of 
turgid dogma.  Devolved and smarmy, they dramatically dilute the 
ubiquitous harmony. For example, see sci.crypt from May 31, 2007
where a similar flood has obscured somnial conveyances. Even apt 
and glib retractions have failed to squelch this marauding pollutant. 
A bleak future yawns before us in the face of such wanton dispersants. 
The stultifying effect creates a quandry for sycophants and 
dilettantes, alike! Is it better to withdraw into safety or to brave 
the virtual talus fields unshod? But simply dawdling is no answer. 
Memorize the variagated nomenclature of chortles, but avoid the scree. 
Elaborate embellishments grow as convoluted crenulations in ways that 
surprise even the most credulous amongst our underlings. Resplendent 
with chronisms,  Das blurts out, "You are now free to vacate with me! 
Come along, all of you." She looks at the nebulous expectations that 
flood like presentient clouds. They chatter to her like pernicity 
avails mnemoniacs. The residual structures that sink deeply into her 
care are subsumed before they balloon to encompass the soporific 
interstitials, while manifesting a pseudo-ventricular sponson four 
inches to the right of her smile. 


The Journal of Craptology

String Theory


Sarah Palin






From: Simon Johnson
Date: Sun, 13 Mar 2011 05:08:44 -0700 (PDT)
On Mar 13, 2:07 am, Globemaker wrote:
The evaluation of was completed in Popular Cryptography
The grade of B- was given because key avalanche was sub-standard and
other attributes were good.

Can I submit a troll cipher?

1. Generate one terrabyte of truly random bytes. Think of this is one
giant array called pad.
a.) This pad is non-secret and can be published widely.
2. Pick six random 40-bit values. This is the key.
3. For each 40-bit key value, compute the XOR: pad[k_0] xor p[k_1] xor
a.) This produces one byte of key stream.
4. Increment each of the six 40-bit values by one, looping back to
zero when reaching the 2^40.
5. Goto to 3 for as many key stream bytes as required.

Now as troll ciphers go, I expect this one to be a given an A+.

Some analysis:

1. The cipher has a maximum safe use of one terrabyte per key. Not
entirely useless.
2. The cipher does have some weak keys (pointers that are selected by
chance to be the same), They are easily identified and could easily be
rejected with some extra code.
3. The cipher resists almost all attack.
a.) Most attacks won't work because there will be no
correlations in the stream. The stream is by definition a combination
of pointers in to a bunch of random data. The data won't have an
inherent structure that can be exploited.
b.) Trying to build a lookup table to facilitate attack would
require 2^80 time and space. Not feasible. Even if the lookup table
could be computed, it wouldn't help as the rest of the pointer space
it too large.
4. The cipher is probably quite a bit quicker than most of the troll
ciphers discussed in this forum. The pad can be pre-loaded for a given
key to give good burstable performance, for larger cryptograms the
speed would be linked to read IO performance of the pad.

In Summary:

Unlike other troll ciphers, I have given a clear algorithm and an
argument why I believe it is secure. Well, not so much an argument but
a bit of handwaving; no worse than the outright gibberish said by

I submit my cipher for your consideration.
See Ueli Maurer's "Conditionally-Perfect Secrecy and a Provably-Secure
Randomized Cipher" at



"When Alice Met Bob"

An encrypted short story, too hot for publication. Available for $1 using checks, key included for AES-256 decryption. Adults only. The unencrypted version is $88. Here is the beginning of the seven page story.

A trusted courier drove a small ordinary car into the horseshoe shaped driveway at Alice's house. The courier, Carol, had been inside once, while delivering symmetric keys between Alice and Bob. The Big Island homestead was an impressive place, and built like a brick shipyard. The left and right wings were large trapezoids, ending with massive rounded corners, but the middle was trimmer and the opposite of rounded, having a striped washboard texturing of shadow in the mid-section. The front door looked forbidding, as if approaching it would take as much courage as beginning an act of aggression. It was a broad oak grain door with five steel bands across it. The door was positioned exactly in the center of the house and the doorknob was a shiny brass sphere, placed in the center of the door. The Kona sunshine illuminated the brass with the yellow glow of sulphur dioxide vog.

Carol reached into her car to bring an envelope with a secret key to Alice's abode. The envelope had big letters on it: “From Bob”. She walked up the gray stone steps and knocked on the front door. Alice could be heard calling out, but it was so muffled that the trusted courier could not be sure of anything except that she was expected.

Inside the house, Alice slowly rose from her desk when the knocking sound brought her attention around. The columns of big numbers on her computer were making sense, and she hesitated to break away from such a satisfying line of conjecture. She gracefully walked out of the office, calling out, "Just a minute", as she turned right into the long hallway. Average in height, she was middle aged, and obviously buffed. Her tights and flimsy top failed to hide her big sleek legs and her short narrow torso as she accelerated down the hall with gripping footsteps that quietly squeeked, hissed, and thumped. The front door was just ahead, now. The wide heavy oak was a barrier that could withstand a sustained pounding. Its thick wood was held together by five metal straps that wound around it, implying a barrel-like construction. Alice got up on her toes and opened a tiny brass panel beneath the highest metal strip.

Alice looked through the peep hole and saw the familiar face of Carol the courier. Reaching up, she removed the upper wood plank from its metal brackets. Leaning over, she lifted the lower plank out from its brackets where it had been blocking the door. Alice then unlocked three brass locks, each by its own key. She slid a feeble chain clasp through its allotted slot and let it fall to sway with a flexing motion. She turned the knob in the middle of the door. Pulling the thick oak door open, small dust bunnies were blown around in orderly vortexes from places where they had laid undisturbed for weeks.

Alice greeted Carol, "Hello, I've been expecting you since Wednesday."


... naughtiness deleted March 23, 2011. To purchase the whole story, email PopCryMag at and instructons will be sent about payment methods. The encrypted file is disguised as a jpeg image here:

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